A married ordained couple in South Manchester, who lost a child eight weeks into a pregnancy, will unveil a permanent memorial on Friday 9 October to help local people to remember children lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, and abortion.
A service was due to be held in the churchyard where the memorial is set, but instead, due to coronavirus, the Revd Jenny Bridgman, Associate Vicar of Timperley, Altrincham, will offer a service online via the Timperley Parish Facebook page.
During the short service, which goes live on Friday 9 October to coincide with Baby Loss Awareness Week, Jenny will lead prayers and explain who the stone is for and the purpose for setting it in the churchyard at Christ Church, Timperley.
Those watching will be invited to take part in some suggested “symbolic activities”, including planting a snowdrop bulb at the site of the memorial stone, lighting a candle at home, and addressing a letter to the child they lost.
Viewers will also be asked to bring a stone to the memorial. These will be gathered together ahead of All Souls’ Day at the beginning of November.
The Revd Jenny and Jim Bridgman at home in the Vicarage, Timperley.
Jenny says: “The purpose of the service will be to convey something of the rawness of loss, and the wrestling we do with God when a beginning becomes an ending so quickly - in the words of the author, the Revd Tess Ward, we’ll use prayers that express a need ‘for God to account for what has happened.’”
Jenny and her husband Jim experienced the loss of their child in 2014. Jenny says: “It was a Sunday when I found out I’d lost the baby. We weren’t sure that there was a problem with the pregnancy, so we decided to keep the morning as normal as possible: I went to hospital whilst Jim went to church to lead services.
“It was a very difficult experience as we came to terms with the loss of a future we never got to live and the fact that so much potential had vanished.”
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Despite their loss and pain, the experience opened up conversations with others in the parish who shared their own stories with the couple.
Jim says: “We were open about our experience and we soon realised that there was a lot of unresolved pain for people in our parish. It was this that started us on our journey towards creating a permanent memorial.”
In the UK, it is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth.
On the memorial, an inscription from Isaiah 49:16 reads: “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”
The Bible passage was selected by Jenny and Jim for the reference earlier in the passage to God as a nursing mother, and the belief it expresses that God recognises and cherishes all lives, no matter how short.
Although there is greater acceptance of child loss today, Jim says that this has not always been the case. He says: “We’ve spoken with a number of older folk in the parish and have heard their stories first-hand. Some people in their 60s and 70s have carried the loss of their child for a long time without ever having found any proper closure. From our conversations, we have begun to understand that whilst the loss might be hidden to view, it remains vivid and painful for people.”
Jenny adds: “We hope the memorial will be a physical place for people to come and remember and grieve for the life that was lost.”
Jenny will write the liturgy to be inclusive of her own experiences and will use the terms “us and we”, rather than the priestly “you and they”.
The unveiling and online service coincide with Baby Loss Awareness Week which runs from 9 to 15 October. The service will be pre-recorded and available on the Timperley Parish Facebook page throughout the week.
In future years, the couple hopes to make the memorial service an annual event.
Watch a short video from Jenny as she explains a little more about the memorial stone and service.